oh, oh, oh boy.

I've come to yet another realization...my best moments are hidden within my most random of thoughts. So, in an attempt to embrace this elusive quality of mine, I've chosen to post yet another of my nonsensical blogs on each thought which pops into my head. Today's piece will be primarily facts about me which I have been contemplating lately. Maybe by writing it I am hoping someone else can piece the ideas together and possibly understand the path that is my thought process.

Hello, My Name Is: m.e.l.y.s.s.a.

I was once in love with doogie howser (sp*)

Tonight has been a bad night for my lungs :/

As a result of a series of dramotional events, I have been trapped in my own mind lately.

I think I lack some anatomical pieces of my heart, necessary for remorse or possible caring.

I am overly critical.

I am brutally honest. I say things which would often hurt my feelings if directed towards me, but they just appear from my lips like weaves from a hair salon.

I am allergic to milk, and I fear the allergy has worsened ::laboring to breathe::

I love movies.

I am conceited.

I don't strive for success. I expect it.

I am vain.

I hate what I see in the mirror, but I cannot stop looking at it.

I have recently run into the "I don't fit in with the 'cool crowd'" feeling a few times.

I am growing weary of overanalyzing everything.

I am grossly insecure, especially these days.

I feel like I am up in the air, or in a waiting room.

I feel like everything is about to change...and there is nothing I can do but wait.

I am broke.

My lips burn from the milk.

My skin itches too.

I shouldn't have had cereal.

I gave in recently, and although I have been enjoying it...I know that it's not worth it.

I am tired of a lot of things in my life right now, and (going off of the aforementioned "waiting room" concept) I would really like to be in the next phase of my life already.

I feel powerless lately, and it disgusts me.

I am enjoying every moment lately, and although its sounds hypocritical, I have been having fun.

I have grown accustomed to being everywhere, all of the time, and I like it...I love it...

I wish I had a more developed sense of my musical style/taste.

I feel like if I had the money, I would have the greatest fashion sense.

I miss some people from my past. I miss my old life/lives a little bit. Well, a lot-a-bit lately.

I have begun reevaluating and am looking to slim my list of friends down a bit, in hopes of adding more to the [insert french word meaning collection].

I am ready for what's ahead, but not quite sure if I can wait...

Well, I hope you enjoyed story hour. Now onto Statistics homework.

Ding.

So ladies and gentlemen,

I've returned to the glorious world of "blogging". So much has happened since my last post that I am not quite sure what I've said or forgotten, so we'll stick with my theme of random selection. 

We'll start with love:

I'll just come right out and say that singularity isn't my favorite, but it's got its perks. I've recently gone through three "interests" and am beginning to refine my searches based upon what I've learned. I've seen the physical interest come and go, I've said goodbye to possibilities of boys with cool hobbies and cooler personalities, and I've said peace to the indecisive. It seems that every new interest becomes closer and closer to what I actually want and now it's getting difficult. Sure, I'm actually spending time with men who are good for me, but my inability to be open makes it that much harder to let the good guys go. But, because of my skill in emotionless endings, I've found ways to do just that. I'm optimistic though, and I'm sure the best is yet to come.

School:

I can finally say that TTF is shaping up to what I've hoped it would be for so long. Not only are we being seen as a significant presence on campus, our voice is beginning to sound consistent. People are finally getting a firm grasp of what it is we do, and they like it. Programs and organizations are realizing all of our potential and I feel we've been taking advantage of it. Homecoming week is coming up as well. We'll definitely get an idea of what we've accomplished after that week is out, regardless of whether it all sucks or surpasses all of my wildest dreams. 

On a more scholastic note, my classes are way too easy. I've gone for 3 semesters trying to keep up and now I'm stuck in classes with teachers who are fresh off the line or others who are not even slightly interested in the subjects which they teach. Sociology is a joke, and my Chicano studies teacher is even less worth mentioning. Hopefully my lack of interest will not pose a problem though, because I NEED to get my gpa up this semester. 

Relationships:

The friend front is looking pretty satisfying lately. Not only have I strengthened my relationship with a lot of new people, I have found a couple who make me truly happy and comfortable with who I am. Also, I will be going to Canada with some pretty neat people over spring break and I couldn't be happier. I'm not quite sure anyone else would really add to the group dynamic than these 4 and I can't wait to spend a week with them.

Now, for those who know my shady past, I am currently fighting my own will and hope I do not fall back into my habit of releasing friends from my life. There are a couple of people who, although I care for them greatly, are putting me into a position which is all too familiar, and my reaction is nothing short of horrible. When I feel their presence is not adding to my life, I simply subtract them entirely. As I speak I am working so hard against my subconscious to ensure I don't let these ones go, because I know that deep down they are still the same people...it's just getting harder and harder to convince myself that they are worth the time/effort/fight. 

Family:

My 'rents and I are doing pretty ok. I'm still so unhappy at my aunt's house, but I'm sure it will all be over soon enough. I just want to move out here to Fullerton as soon as possible. I feel like the distance will help our relationships and that my close proximity to school will improve my grades. The freedom wouldn't hurt too much either. Either way, I'm just taking it day by day with those folks and hoping for the best each time. Besides, the more time I spend at school, the more my mother smiles when I come home. 

I hope that was as good for you as it was for me. I will work on something more in depth for tomorrow. Otherwise, night.