not just yet.

Today I was given the gift of relation. I was able to see within another person my own self, and in doing so, I was comforted. It is rare that a person can see the perfect image of themselves in another's words, but in this particular situation, I was clear. Every doubt, every fear, every hope. Within this person I saw what I had once been, and ideally, what I could eventually be. As a result, I am certain that today's intellectual perspective has been the result of my current psychosis.

After sleeping for a mere hour and a half, I awoke to a new world. The day was cool, my tempermant was surprisingly mild for having slept so little, and the world was beautiful again. Then within the first few hours of wake, I encountered my first subconscious test, which was flawlessly surpassed by all involved, and left me with a feeling of utter gratitude. Not only had I proven myself wrong, for the negative, but those dear to me proved me wrong as well, but for the positive. Then, as I ventured toward the black hole that has become my institution, with one of very few people I consider dear to me, I found solace in her enlightenment. Feelings which I had been fearing for nearly two months now were reflected in her own thought process and it felt wonderful to know that my best friend was feeling that way too. In many ways I have relied upon her for comfort, and in this instance especially, she has been the support I needed.

Later, as I battled the onset of note-taking stupor, I felt a tingle in my fingertips that was all too familiar. The tingle progressed into a restlessness in my hands, and eventually an ache in my heart. Usual side effects of days possessing such beauty, I found myself with a pen in hand and a drawing on the page in front of me. To some the process may seem so menial in the scope of experiences, but it is one which is in a universe entirely it's own. When a drawing that is meant to protrude from you, it will, and it had been one that I had resisted for days. I was finally in a place that I could see the piece, and it was so. Instances like this are when I am most myself, when I see the most clear.

After leaving the newly found place of creativity, I ventured toward a place that had once been the pinacle of success. It had been the epitome of my hardwork and often served as the sword with which I took what I sought...my old office. There, within a freshly sparked kinship, I saw the aforementioned reflection. It was in that person that I was given sight and justification for each preceding feeling. The newly found confidence I had awoken with was suddenly deserved and never before had I been so sure of the path that I had take toward becoming myself. I was also more sure than I had ever hoped to be about my future in writing. I plan to write a 3 part series pinnacling my life and the events which served as landmarks in my journey. For those who have read any of David Sedaris' many works, one may have a slight understanding of what is to come. Sadly that is the only prelude which I can provide at the moment, seeing as I have yet to start and have no real idea of what is substantial and what is necessary.

With that I will conclude my midday update and simply write what I had realized last night during my slumberless attempt at rest...

"I could never draw all of these beautiful feelings, but I could spend my whole life trying."

"I feel most beautiful when I am singing, most peaceful when I am drawing, and most honest when I am writing."

oh, oh, oh boy.

I've come to yet another realization...my best moments are hidden within my most random of thoughts. So, in an attempt to embrace this elusive quality of mine, I've chosen to post yet another of my nonsensical blogs on each thought which pops into my head. Today's piece will be primarily facts about me which I have been contemplating lately. Maybe by writing it I am hoping someone else can piece the ideas together and possibly understand the path that is my thought process.

Hello, My Name Is: m.e.l.y.s.s.a.

I was once in love with doogie howser (sp*)

Tonight has been a bad night for my lungs :/

As a result of a series of dramotional events, I have been trapped in my own mind lately.

I think I lack some anatomical pieces of my heart, necessary for remorse or possible caring.

I am overly critical.

I am brutally honest. I say things which would often hurt my feelings if directed towards me, but they just appear from my lips like weaves from a hair salon.

I am allergic to milk, and I fear the allergy has worsened ::laboring to breathe::

I love movies.

I am conceited.

I don't strive for success. I expect it.

I am vain.

I hate what I see in the mirror, but I cannot stop looking at it.

I have recently run into the "I don't fit in with the 'cool crowd'" feeling a few times.

I am growing weary of overanalyzing everything.

I am grossly insecure, especially these days.

I feel like I am up in the air, or in a waiting room.

I feel like everything is about to change...and there is nothing I can do but wait.

I am broke.

My lips burn from the milk.

My skin itches too.

I shouldn't have had cereal.

I gave in recently, and although I have been enjoying it...I know that it's not worth it.

I am tired of a lot of things in my life right now, and (going off of the aforementioned "waiting room" concept) I would really like to be in the next phase of my life already.

I feel powerless lately, and it disgusts me.

I am enjoying every moment lately, and although its sounds hypocritical, I have been having fun.

I have grown accustomed to being everywhere, all of the time, and I like it...I love it...

I wish I had a more developed sense of my musical style/taste.

I feel like if I had the money, I would have the greatest fashion sense.

I miss some people from my past. I miss my old life/lives a little bit. Well, a lot-a-bit lately.

I have begun reevaluating and am looking to slim my list of friends down a bit, in hopes of adding more to the [insert french word meaning collection].

I am ready for what's ahead, but not quite sure if I can wait...

Well, I hope you enjoyed story hour. Now onto Statistics homework.